What do I want out of life?

Sometimes I feel much older than my short years of 20. Other times I feel as though I'm still an awkward 14-year-old.

I'm in my third year of college. Sociology major. Pending English minor. Asian American Studies certificate. I can't help feeling like I made the wrong decision in my major. I picked sociology because I genuinely found the classes and subject interesting. I find myself gravitating towards articles and books relating to this field. And I really enjoy participating in discussions and talking about important social justice issues.

My skills--or lack thereof--in math or science would have made my undergraduate experience a very stressful and terrible one. I don't hate math or science. In fact, I wish I could take classes in biology, chemistry, and physics. But I need a really good teacher to teach me and from what I've been hearing in the large university I'm attending it's very unlikely I'll get that one awesome teacher. Another thing is I'm a slow learner. I don't want to be penalized just because I can't consume the information fast enough to spit it back out. I like just thinking about the theories and have to practice several times before I can fully understand how to do something. I'm sure when I have the free time I'll go through some workbooks on these subjects just for the hell of it.

But what I'm worried about is money. I'm not rich and don't come from a wealthy or even really average family. I wasn't smart enough to get scholarships so I have a lot of debt--not as much as I could have if I'd attended a private college but still. . .

And with a major like sociology, there is no direct job position. I used to think that was fine. I'll figure out a way to make something work. But as I'm getting older and actually seeing reality, I'm starting to grow doubtful of the path I've chosen.

Basically, life is hard. I'm scared and worried. I don't want to be crushed with debt. I don't want to move back home and work at crappy part time jobs. I don't want to be trapped in a life I don't want.

I realize that I'm just one of many voicing these same concerns. But it makes me feel better writing about it and letting out my thoughts instead of having them stew in my mind.

Well, I still have the rest of this year and next year to decide. And then I'm thinking of taking a fifth year as well. I'm going to stay positive and just do whatever I can to make sure my dreams and goals come true.